Since launching the blog earlier this week, I’ve heard from several friends who’ve mentioned the challenges they face in caring for their parents. One topic that stands out is the division of labor among siblings. Another is caregiving from afar. When siblings don’t live in the same city, it can be difficult to coordinate tasks. Usually, the person who lives closest to the parent in need ends up with most of the responsibility.

It can be taxing and time-consuming. In my family, the two youngest children (my older brother and I) are the ones who provide most of the care for my folks – things like taking them to doctor appointments, grocery shopping and making sure their bills get paid on time.

Earlier this week, however, I heard from my oldest brother who lives in another part of the state. Because he lives the farthest away and sometimes has to work weekends, it’s difficult for him to visit regularly. When he emailed me, he said he and his family were planning to visit and stay with mom/dad while my nephew’s on spring break. He asked if they needed help with anything while he’s in town. It’s a simple question, yet one that can make a huge difference. But I’ll get back to that in a minute.

While doing research for this blog, I found out about a newly published book by longtime journalist Francine Russo that deals with this very subject. Titled They’re Your Parents, Too! How Siblings Can Survive Their Parents’ Aging Without Driving Each Other Crazy, the book sounds like a must-read. I say that because everyone needs some guidance when it comes to deciding who does what for mom and dad.

When my father became ill and we knew that he wouldn’t be able to drive, my brother who lives nearby and I realized that we would now be providing most of the transportation. We figured we’d take turns driving them to the doctor and running their errands. So far, it’s worked out well. We’re good about communicating with each other and filling in when the other is out-of-town or unavailable. I tend to take my mom to her appointments and he takes my dad to his.

But we never really discussed what our specific caregiving roles would be. Instead, we tackled various issues as they came up or stored them away in our mental to-do list. In hindsight, it probably would have been a good idea to schedule a family meeting early on, make a list of everything that my parents need help with and then divvy up those tasks.

Which brings me back to my out-of-town brother, who asked how he could help during his visit. I’m thankful that he asked. When I mentioned this to my mom, she rattled off a list of things: clean the ceiling fan, add caulking around the toilet base, prune the roses. I realized that too often my other brother and I are so busy handling the most pressing issues that it leaves us with little time for other tasks like minor home repairs or yard work.

On her website, author Russo wrote the following passage, which stuck with me:

“If we have a connection with a sibling – a cherished bond worth preserving, or perhaps a fractured one in need of a repair – now is our opportunity. Our siblings, no matter how we view them and how they view us, are our last link to our first family, and our best hope for its survival.”

The extra help is welcomed. But more importantly, my brother’s visit should give us all a chance to talk in person – this time more seriously about what needs to be done, what our roles should be and how we can be a better support system for each other.